Toddler and ‘threenager’ tantrums to make you laugh out loud

Tantrums are a right pain in the arse, aren’t they?

We’ve all heard of the terrible twos, but why the f*ck did nobody tell me about the whole THREENAGER thing?

I literally want to headbutt the kitchen counter over and over again at times, (which actually might be why my three year old is like he is…) they are so bad.

Since turning three in the summer, I’m sure my eldest son has developed a not so mild form of schizophrenia. He’s like THE loveliest person at times. Tells me he loves me constantly, always wants a cuddle, is polite, asks how I am, tells me he likes my new (stripey) top. All the important things, you know.

Then something switches and he is like a boy POSSESSED! Screaming, crying, shouting, arms flailing, generally lying on the floor or throwing toys around. It’s literally like the end of the world. The tantrums are insane. Five minutes later, he’s back in the room again and telling me he loves me and wants a cuddle.

What. The. Actual. F*ck???

I tell myself this is totally normal for a three year old, tantrums is what they do, and they’re not called threenagers for nothing. But oh my god, it’s so frustrating, isn’t it?

At home it’s all fine. We have a detached house, I doubt if the neighbours can hear and feel the need to call the police. Unless it’s summer and it’s taking place in the garden, of course. Luckily one set are old and hopefully more than a little bit deaf.

It’s when I’m in public that a little bit of me dies inside. We all know the supermarket is the stereotypical tantrum-inducing scenario, but it’s so true!

Because he wants to look at the toys but we’re in a rush. Because he wants the Chad Valley roaring dinosaur but I won’t let him. Because he wants the werewolf Halloween costume (complete with full head mask that would be on for approximately 5 seconds) and I’ll only buy him a £4.50 skeleton t.shirt. Because he wants a crappy Cbeebies or Peppa magazine, purely for all the free shit on the front and I say no. Our house is full of free magazine shit, and the accompanying magazines that never even glanced at.

And don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I realise I need to pick my battles, and when he is on the floor making a scene over a £30 PJ Masks toy, I rightly or wrongly buy him a 10p bag of Haribo instead (I’m all heart me).

But it’s just all so EMBARRASSING, isn’t it?

I’m a firm believer that when you’re in public and they kick off, other people are actually watching the parent and how they react rather than the child. You see kids throwing tantrums all the time, it’s nothing new. But I have to say I do feel myself wince inside if the parent stands there shouting back at them. But each to their own. I can’t claim to never lose my shit. I do it daily when I’m tired and my buttons are pressed for the 59th time that day. I just try not to do it in public (too often), but nobody is perfect.

Usually you get a sympathetic look from fellow parents, or nicer still, a lovely comment from a supportive old lady. I even had a shop assistant come over to me the other day and tell me she thought I’d dealt with the tantrum brilliantly, which was exactly what I needed when I was trying to hold it together.

But in the last month when I’ve been dealing with a screaming threenager whilst out and about, I’ve encountered a few negative comments – one old man saying he deserved a smack, and one younger person saying that’s why they don’t have children.

NOT HELPFUL THANK YOU! (that was the polite response)

I tell myself when he kicks off that it’s all just a phase and it won’t last forever. I tell myself he is strong willed and can be moody – just like me so how can I expect anything else! I also tell myself this will be a trait that will come in handy when he’s bossing it in an amazing job in 30 years’ time.

And let’s face it, sometimes you can’t help but laugh at them and their tantrums. (Although apparently laughing in their face doesn’t help the situation). They have a meltdown for such hilarious and unnecessary reasons. 

Read how my friend Carly from Mom of Two Little Girls handled her ‘surprise threenager‘. We’re not alone!

MY TOP FIVE FAVOURITE RECENT TANTRUMS 

• His friends stick was longer than his
• I accidentally dropped the empty toilet roll holder into the sink and got it slightly wet
• His Milky Way mini bar wasn’t as long as an elephant’s trunk
• His baby brother saw the cows out the car window and he didn’t
• He can’t hear the iPad when I blow dry my fringe (for 20 seconds) every morning

I’m so glad I have two more children bringing up the rear who will hit the tantrum stage at the same time. Wine anyone?

30 TANTRUMS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD

I asked my lovely Facebook followers why their children have a meltdown. This lot made me laugh out loud!

• RACHAEL HEDGES: Today my child had a tantrum because we wouldn’t let her ride her balance bike into traffic.
• EMMA DART: I avoided a tantrum by letting Eric keep his pyjama top on all day – choose your battles!
• LAURA TURNER:  Today my toddler had a paddy because his yoghurt fell on the floor after he pushed it off the table.
• CHLOE ROWLAND: Today my toddler had a tantrum because he ‘isn’t called Zach.’ (He’s called Zach)
• SAMMI WYETT: Today my toddler had a tantrum because we dropped the dog off at the vet.
• DAWN JAMIESON: Today and every day my toddler tantrums because he likes to pick his favourite song to play over and over (I secretly don’t mind a bit of George Ezra).
• AMANDA WHYMARK: Theo didn’t like the top I chose for him to wear.
• LIBO CLARK: My three year old went mad because I cut his bread into triangles instead of squares. He asked for squares.
• AMII MEDWAY:  Because he had to sit properly on his chair to eat his breakfast. Because he had to get dressed. Because I wouldn’t carry him. Because he had to put socks on. Because his tea wasn’t ready. I could go on!
• SIAN ESK ABNETT:  Darren threw a paddy because his drink was empty.
• NICK COPSON:  Because HE wanted to flush the toilet, not me. Every single time!
• ANNA MILLER: My twin toddler had a tantrum because she wanted the spoon that her twin sister had. It was one major tantrum and clearly the end of the world for a three year old.
• LIANNE HARRIS: I couldn’t sit in his baby brother’s seat. I wouldn’t play his assistant when imitating Rylan in Big Brother’s bit on the side (he’s only two) I gave him the milk that he just asked me for.
• MICHELLE LETTS: Tonight’s three year old tantrum was because I gave him two bourbon biscuits instead of three! This morning’s tantrum was because I took the brioche out of the packet but he wanted to take it out once opened.
• CHARLOTTE MARSH: Because there was no cereal left in his bowl. Because he didn’t want his cup on his tray. Because he wanted his cup back. Because he didn’t want to get dressed or have his jacket on. Usually if I don’t give him a biscuit for each hand that results in a major meltdown. (I feel he’s got a point about a balanced diet though.)
• KATIE SKELTON: She wanted to watch the Shaun the Sheep movie “UNTIL THE END WHEN THE SHEEP IS WITH THE HOOOOOOVER”. Oh and because she wasn’t allowed to take some gravel from the nursery car park home with her.
• MO JO VICKERS: Because he had to get dressed! Seems to be a popular one.
• CAROLINE FREATHY: My eldest got cross that we wouldn’t go his preferred route at Saltram (National Trust property), so cried, refused to move and then when he did, wailed that “he wished he had different parents!” I explained that we were trying to avoid walking along the road so we didn’t need to worry about getting in the way of cars or at worst being hit, and this way meant we could enjoy the view etc, to which he screamed totally beside himself now “I’d rather get hit by a car” and “this path is sooo dangerous there are stinging nettles EVERYWHERE!
• LAURA JANE HARRIS:  Because I refused to watch the Lion King for the THIRD time in a row. We settled on Moana. Again.
• CLAIRE ELIZABETH: Because two stories before bed wasn’t enough. It took another three to finally get him to go to bed.
• KIRSTIN BROWN:  Because he doesn’t want to get dry after his bath, but doesn’t want to be wet. Because he threw his cutlery off the table but wants it. Because he wanted the bowl with the Bob the Builder on (he had the bowl with Bob the Builder on).
• DOING MOM THINGS: He didn’t like his colour of water bottle.
• KATE WARD:  My four year old sobbed because he didn’t have liver disease like his big brother. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
• DEE HURLEY:  Because three toy pushchairs between three children isn’t enough. Wrong coloured cup saga, and I drew a triangle with honey on her cereal and not a spiral.
• NICOLE ARSIWALA: Just because. Sometimes there really is no reason. It’s just a mix of hunger, tiredness, not getting what they want and the fact that toddlers can sometimes be dickheads.
• MELISSA LEMON:  Harrison had a tantrum once in some public toilets as I only needed a wee and not a poo! Safe to say we left very promptly without making eye contact with anyone!
• KATE EVANS: Because I made her spit out the five Lego heads she’d managed to steal from her brother and promptly put in her mouth for safekeeping.
• VICTORIA GLASS:  He took a massive spoonful of his breakfast, revealed the bottom of his bowl in that spot and the world came to an end! Just need to find somewhere that sells bottomless bowls.
• BECCIE JONES: My four year old had a tantrum because his pizza wasn’t oval-shaped!
• LEANNE SCHUTTKACHER: He wanted me to buy him new hands as his hands are too small! The only way to calm him down was by pretending to order him a new pair online.

What are the funniest reasons your child has had a tantrum?