How to get a flat stomach after having twins? Don’t bother, eat cake and be happy.

Last week I finally hit my Slimming World target after having twins.

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I say finally, because to be honest, I should have hit it months ago if I’d just put my mind to it. And stopped eating cake. And drinking wine.

After giving birth to Toddler I lost more weight in less time than I have after the Twins. But I tell myself I’ve had a pretty good excuse to not quite put 100% into it.

Anyone with twins (or any new baby come to think of it) will tell you they should be sending you home with a bottle of wine and a Cadbury’s Twirl in a postpartum care kit rather than a tester pot of Sudacrem and ONE Pampers nappy.  One? Yeah, thanks for that.

I put on four stone whilst pregnant with twins!

I put on four stone (!) whilst pregnant with the Twins. Four stone! Although I did grow a couple of pretty hefty babies – 7lbs 1.5oz and 7lbs 8.5oz if I’m going to be precise about it. That’s what happens when they cling on in there until week 38. (Feel free to read about that drama here!)

You may have read a couple of my previous blogs and already know about my love affair with McDonald’s fries during the first part of my pregnancy. It was obviously for medicinal purposes as when I ate them (on a daily basis) I didn’t throw up. It was like they were on prescription.

And by the time the fries made way for the chocolate and cake, there was little wonder I had a bit of work to do on the diet front once the babies were here.

Now that’s done (the diet, not the birth) and I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight it’s clear there’s still some work to do. It’s nuts how much pregnancy and birth changes your body. And the work needed is namely on my poor stretched (and stretched some more stomach). Damn you giant babies! I also wonder if I could do with a whole head to toe health check now my poor body has been battered. Did you know you can do an online blood test to get you started?

I keep putting off exercising

I’ve put off addressing the stomach issue for the past however many months telling myself that once I’ve lost two stone it’ll miraculously spring back into shape. I’m back in my size 10/12 clothes but there doesn’t seem to be a whole load of spring left.

I bet Duchess Kate doesn’t have this problem?!

The dreaded E word is now on my mind. Exercise. Unless I win the lottery and can have a tummy tuck, that is.

When I say it’s on my mind. It’s kind of floating around in the back of my head, quite safe in the knowledge it won’t be seeing the light of day anytime soon.

Not because I don’t have time – although seriously, I ALWAYS have a child with me, and once they’re in bed, jobs are done and dinner is eaten, ANYTHING physical is the last thing on my mind.  So no, I don’t particularly have a whole load of free time.

No inclination to exercise after twins

But what I also don’t have is any inclination. None whatsoever. And this is a bit of a problem.

I keep telling myself I’ll exercise at home and do a cheesy work-out DVD, but I know I won’t. I’ll do those seven minute workouts on my phone during nap times, but I know I won’t.

Or maybe I’ll go to one of those ‘take your baby with you’ classes. But I already did – one cried, then the other one cried, and it was a waste of time, money, and effort. (Although a crying baby is a GREAT excuse to get out of the extra painful bits).

The other thing that I’m totally using as an excuse is that during pregnancy, those little monkeys grew so big they separated my abs. Two midwives and a pilates teacher could stick three fingers in between them, which I’m guessing isn’t a good thing?

I’ll just breathe in…

I know there are special exercises I should do to rectify this. I know they’re there. Just waiting for me to find that motivation. In the meantime I shall continue to breathe in a lot, accept my stomach still looks like I’m four months pregnant, and wear clothes that hide it well (see the floaty top below).

I’ll also bury my head in the sand, spending rare spare time writing blogs and fannying about on social media rather than exercising abs back together. Much more fun, and less sweaty.

The other day I was scrolling through a twin Facebook group (I know, this could be exercise time) and came across a post by a new mum asking others when they got back into their pre-pregnancy clothes.

Some people are thoughtless idiots

Basically what followed was a load of annoying women posting pictures of their totally flat (or more likely just sucked in) stomachs, boasting that they left the hospital with their twins wearing their normal, pre-pregnancy jeans. Like, WTF?

I know some people are lucky enough to ‘bounce back’ immediately, whilst others never do, with or without trying to, and this just happens to be one of those slightly unfair things in life.

But posting pics of your flat stomach the day after giving birth I expect not only made a whole load of other new mums feel just a tad shite about themselves (especially six months later when it’s still not flat), but made the skinny malinkies look like a bunch of tw*ts to be honest. And hello, don’t you have anything better to do – YOU’VE JUST HAD TWINS! Being lucky enough your body sprung back is one thing. Showing off about it is quite another.

I removed myself from the group, had a glass of wine, and told myself it was perfectly fine to still wear my maternity jeans now and again because they are so damn comfy.

The only potential motivator to make me get off my arse for a stomach-flattening regime is the thought of still looking a little bit pregnant when I’m bridesmaid next year.

But if I’m honest, this three under three mumming malarkey requires calories for survival. Best consumed through alcohol, cake and chocolate.

Ah well, I’ll hold my bouquet cleverly, and buy some Spanx…

How did I do?

Did you enjoy this post? Sorry if you were expecting any ACTUAL tips! If you did want some proper advice though, read this post How to take care of your body after baby. Or why not read a few of my other posts while you’re here. I think you’ll like 5 Reasons I Have Mum Guilt, and Why I Hate Co-sleeping. You can read the whole lot in my Mum Life section.

If you like a bit of social media madness, pop over to my Facebook page where you’ll be able to have a laugh at what ridiculousness goes on in my house with three very small boys on a daily basis. Warning – there is often sarcasm, and usually swearing. There are also great travel reviews and some AWESOME giveaways. Feel free to join my Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee – Shits and Giggles Parenting Group too, where everyone shares their hilarious stories.

And if you want to work with me, feel free to give me a shout here or at helen@twinstantrumsandcoldcoffee.com and I’ll get back to you.